DIRECTED BY: Pascal Caubet
This movie is so awesomely bad that you’ll spend 90 minutes feeling actual pity for the actors, directors, and anyone else who took time from their life to participate in this project. For starters, we are starts introduced, one-by-one, to the baddest criminals on the face of the earth, each one exemplifying a different bad-guy stereotype. We have the wise and silent Asian bad-ass; the Italian gangster; the black gansta, the slimy French card shark, the American rough-neck, and the “sexy” eastern european vixen. As these characters are introduced in a series of clumsy profile scenes, you may experience vertigo, as your eyes will be telling you, “Hey, these are some really well-known actors” (i.e. Michael Madsen, Paul Sorvino, David Caradine) but your ears will be telling you, “The sound quality is AWFUL and the script is a total fail!” I truly wonder if the sound guy saw the script and decided not to finish editing the sound.
So, after we meet these hooligans and get a taste of their particular flavor of violence, they are all individually invited to a mysterious mansion via letters sent from their dead fathers. Get ready to laugh out loud as Monk (Madsen) reads his father’s words, “You must follow my instructions precisely… Even if it sounds weird.” As they begin to arrive, they are spotted by police, led by Detective Mike Stone (Carradine), who will soon surround the house, and give them one hour to evacuate. However, there also seems to be a mysterious killer inside the house. From this point on the plot becomes more and more ridiculous with every passing scene, and eventually, when the big reveal is made and the truth about these characters is more absurd than you ever could have imagined. Seriously, children write better scripts than this. Little children.
In addition to the poor sound quality, also watch for other low-budget movie gems such as, ridiculous costumes, actors screwing up their lines, improper use of Paul Sorvino, and a total lack of extras (you know, those random people that walk around in the background and make movies look real!).