The Expendables

STARRING: Stylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and more...
BADNESS RATING:
RELEASED: 2010
DIRECTED BY: Sylvester Stallone

The ExpendablesThe Expendables cast is made up of the action stars that are known by last names – Stallone, Statham, Li, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Lundgren & Rourke.

This was to be the greatest movie of all time. Surely with this many stars it would be a hit. It was recently added to Netflix and I’ve taken another look. There are some fine scenes, but some of the promise is not fulfilled. Willis and Schwarzenegger are cameo’s and there are so many stars that only a few of the characters are developed.

Takeaways:

  • The quality of the effects are great, but the fast cuts between clips make me feel that they are hiding something.
  • Stallone’s hold onto a plane as it takes off is amazingly unbelievable, and reminiscent of the finger strength first displayed in Cliffhanger.

The Expendables is a great 3 star movie, but didn’t reach my 5 star dreams.

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Men of War

STARRING: Dolph Lundgren
BADNESS RATING:
RELEASED: 1994
DIRECTED BY: Perry Lang

Men of WarMen of War begins with Nick Gunner (Dolph) on the streets of Chicago. He is approached to complete an easy job and collects his rag tag assortment of mercenary buddies, giving a glimpse of their character and  civilian lives.

Before starting their mission they are involved in a bar brawl where they meet a lady mercenary who will join their team, and also someone who will almost certainly be the “bad guy.”

Takeaways:

  • Dolph Lundgren loves carrying children
  • It is never explained where the lady mercenary came from, or why she was in this movie.

Lot’s of bad jokes, punching and shooting qualifies this in the genre. A  surprise starring role by B.D. Wong  (Oz, Law & Order SVU), makes this a novel movie to watch, but the poor character development and the fact that it never seems to end result in a 2 star rating.

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Iron Eagle

STARRING: Lou Gossett Jr
BADNESS RATING:
RELEASED: 1986
DIRECTED BY: Sidney J. Furie

Iron EagleIron Eagle is the story of an Air Force brat whose father has been shot down and held hostage in a foreign land. Some teenagers might wait for our government to negotiate, but metal-loving Doug Masters knows this is a waste of time.

Masters and his band of teenage friends plan a mission that involves stealing a plane and invading a country. A similar idea was explored in the same year in the movie “Let’s Get Harry”, but with less Airplanes, teenagers and 80’s rock.

Takeaways;

  • a small plane and dirt bike race proves that they travel at the same speed.
  • tape decks are awesome.

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Commando

STARRING: Arnold Schwarzenegger
BADNESS RATING:
RELEASED: 1985
DIRECTED BY: Mark L. Lester

CommandoAnother classic 5 star bad action movie. If you haven’t seen this movie, it is currently on Netflix and is worth a watch (or re-watch).

Commando is the story of an uber-happy father and daughter living in a rural setting. We learn early on that Col. John Matrix (Arnold) has been involved in top secret military operations in the past, and that members of his team are being assassinated. Immediately some bad guys arrive and snatch his daughter. I won’t spoil the fun, but Col. Matrix kills (or possibly wounds) approximately 100 people in the name of justice.

Takeaways:

  • Is any family this happy? Alyssa Milano appears to have no friends, or entertainment beside hanging with pops.
  • Early on, Arnold is forced to make a run for his rifle in the shed, but couldn’t he have just borrowed the gun of the soldier? Of course, this would have made for a very short movie.
  • The music, why is it so.
  • A young Bill Paxton putting in his time.
  • Arnold throws out the catchy “I’ll be back.”

Commando is one of the big budget movies that defined the bam genre in the 80’s.

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Navy Seals

STARRING: Charlie Sheen
BADNESS RATING:
RELEASED: 1990
DIRECTED BY: Lewis Teague

Navy SealsCharlie Sheen is so full of tiger blood in this movie that there is little doubt of winning. Big explosions, abundant gun fights and golf hi jinks = 3 stars.

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