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Because when they're really really bad...
they're so good
I had very high hopes for the original Expendables movie. A huge collection of action stars pulled together to fight evil. It had it’s moments, but didn’t quite live up to my expectations.
Expendables 2, re-kindles my hopes for this movie. The cast include several of my favorite BAM stars – Jason Statham, Sly Stallone, JCVD, Dolph, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, & Bruce Willis. It also includes Arnold and several other stars, but from the trailer I’m guessing that Arnold will be more of a special appearance as he was in the original Expendables movie.
STARRING: Arnold Schwarzenegger
DIRECTED BY: Mark L. Lester
Another classic 5 star bad action movie. If you haven’t seen this movie, it is currently on Netflix and is worth a watch (or re-watch).
Commando is the story of an uber-happy father and daughter living in a rural setting. We learn early on that Col. John Matrix (Arnold) has been involved in top secret military operations in the past, and that members of his team are being assassinated. Immediately some bad guys arrive and snatch his daughter. I won’t spoil the fun, but Col. Matrix kills (or possibly wounds) approximately 100 people in the name of justice.
Is any family this happy? Alyssa Milano appears to have no friends, or entertainment beside hanging with pops.
Early on, Arnold is forced to make a run for his rifle in the shed, but couldn’t he have just borrowed the gun of the soldier? Of course, this would have made for a very short movie.
The music, why is it so.
A young Bill Paxton putting in his time.
Arnold throws out the catchy “I’ll be back.”
Commando is one of the big budget movies that defined the bam genre in the 80’s.
STARRING: Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock
DIRECTED BY: Bruce Malmuth
Steven Seagal starred in a lot of classic bad action movies, and continues to keep the genre alive. One of his first and a personal fave is Hard to Kill. This is a classic 5 star BAM.
Steven Seagal plays Mason Storm, a detective in LA who at the beginning of the film is stealthily recording the events of a criminal meeting. Unfortunately, Mason wasn’t in the AV Club and has to hit his equipment to fix some feedback, and this ruckus alerts the bad guys to his presence.
Luckily Steven is hard to kill.
There are so many excellent takeaways from this movie.
Steven is super bi-lingual. He can throw out the line “You like my coche?” without missing a beat.
If you are in a coma for 7 years, you awake a little groggy, but immediately able to outwit killers.
Elevators in 1990 were dangerous and it was impossible to stop them by putting your hand in front of the closing door. All you can do is peer in the elevator and yell.
While in a long coma you will inevitably attract the attention of a nurse (or possibly Kelly LeBlock), who is so desperate for attention that she will make several inappropriate comments about “your business”, while you are still in the coma.
If you are in politics, don’t use your “catch phrase” when making deals with criminals.
This film is full of great Steven Seagal fight scenes, and the training scenes are superb. I’ll leave you with the following motivational phrase from Hard to Kill.
“We’re outgunned and out-manned, but we’re going to win. You know why? A superior attitude and a superior state of mind.”
STARRING: Dolph Lundgren & Brandon Lee
DIRECTED BY: Mark Lester
How did I make it this long without watching this movie. This is the starring role I’ve hoped to see from Dolph since Rocky 4.
Dolph’s character shows extreme agility (jumping over a car), extreme strength (rolling a car on its side) and a great partner in Brandon Lee. This movie has the explosions, the fights and the bad jokes that exemplifies a bad action movie. 5 stars!